Relationship: Rules and Games Part I

Inspiration, Let's Talk...Therapy, Love and Relationship

What’s up people?  I am absolutely tired of the rules and games when it comes to relationships and love.  There have been so many stipulations and rules of what to do, how to do it, when to do it and why you must do it?  I have read countless books, engaged in forums and discussions, and have studied relationship experts. I could write several books about all of the information I have received.  Sometimes I believe that we get so overwhelmed with information that is good, that we fail to allow relationship to happen naturally.  I believe that we sometimes subconsciously use rules and unfortunately games to protect ourselves from getting hurt or as a prevention from being hurt again. Why can’t relationships be simple yet fulfilling?  I say simple in the fact that both parties open up about their true desires to love, trust, give, share, or whatever that’s needed.  I have thought about this for a while now.  The answer that I have found was that so many of us don’t want to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is hard place for many of us to go. Vulnerability involves sharing your emotions and who you really are at the risk of being hurt, judged, and possibly rejected.  Even with all of the risk involved there is a chance that vulnerability affords you the opportunity trusting and being trusted, being accepted, sharing your flaws and strengths… vulnerability ultimately gives you the chance of falling in love with someone who knows who you truly are and loves you because of that.

I challenge you to rethink why you use rule and games in relationships or identify if you are using these methods to be safe.  I am not saying to be foolish and put yourself in a position to cause you physically and emotionally harm or abuse.  Take chance at allowing love to come and don’t push it away.  You never know what you’re missing out on!

You deserve to be happy;-)


Taking Time to Self-Soothe

Inspiration, Let's Talk...Therapy

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What’s up my beautiful people?  This week I was in training and the question came up about how do clients self-soothe.  Some therapist responded that some people use drugs, fighting, act out sexually, and so on.  Since a lot of the answers were unhealthy and depressing, I responded that some clients that I’ve encounter use music, art, and exercise to self soothe.   If we all took time to evaluate  how we self soothe (which simply means to relax or calm down), we all may have unhealthy as well healthy ways we soothe ourselves.

For me personally, I realized that there were times where I would not take time to relax and calm down.  I noticed that I would eat more fast food or not get enough rest.  And when I did not take time for myself, I felt it and saw it.  Over the years, I have learned and practice ways to self soothe.  It is so important to make time for yourself so that you can be your best at work, at home, in your relationships, and most importantly for yourself.  I would like to share some activities that do to self soothe.

1. Exercise or physical activity.  Yes, enjoy being active.  Sometimes I hit the gym and do some cardio.  I usually switch between the treadmill, bike, or elliptical to add some variety.  Sometimes I take short walks or use the stairs.  If I don’t feel like “working out,” I go to YouTube check out some videos and dance until I break out into a sweat.  I also like zumba and other activities.

2. Art. I find that art is very relaxing.  A few years ago, I got into painting canvas with acrylic paint.  I love it.  I also enjoy sewing and knitting.

3. Music.  Music is truly a form of therapy.  It is able to evoke emotions and it truly affects your soul.  I don’t know if you ever heard a song about heartbreak or sadness…you feel it or it reminds you of your personal experiences.  I find that jazz with the music only is relaxing.  Also, I listen to music that is inspirational and up lifting.

4. Writing.  I find that writing my thoughts and feelings helps me to release them.  There are instances where I don’t want to talk about something so I write it out. I write poems, stories, and songs.  It just depends on whats going on in my life.  There have been times where I may have had to deal with someone who may have offended me or I had a disagreement with. I actually have written how about the experience…feelings, thoughts, and vent.  This helps me process the situation.  After I write about it, it helps to effectively communicate with that individual when I encounter them.

5.Other things.  This list could go on.  So, here are some other things that I like to do to self soothe: read, take hot baths (with my oils, salts, and scrubs), laugh (I have invested in comedy dvds and I have learned to find humor in the not so humorous thing;-) It helps), pampering myself (painting my nails, doing my hair, shopping, etc.), BREATHE (it works), being around positive and supportive people who I can talk to, and most importantly my faith in God truly sustains me!

Enjoy and don’t forget to spend more time self soothing and discovering new ways to self-soothe! Make it simple and enjoyable!




Inspiration, Let's Talk...Therapy

I am a very introspective person…I’m constantly examining and evaluating myself.  At times, I can be too hard on myself,  because I want to maximize my potential.  I see  life as a journey of opportunities and learning experiences that I’m not trying to miss out on.  Not long ago, I ran across a list I made a few years ago about things that I want to do…I guess you could call it my long-term goals…I call it my Destiny List.  As I looked at the list, I forgot that I had written some of those dreams and desires down.  I began to think about what I needed to reach these goal and what was holding me back.  I realized that the only thing that was holding me back was fear.  I consider myself to be a fearless person, but deep down inside I have experienced some self-doubt as well as some fear of not succeeding.  Don’t get me wrong, I am confident in who I am as woman and love who God has created me to be.  There have been times where I’ve looked at my circumstance whether it has been lack of resources, personal connection, or whatever it may have been and allowed it to shake my faith.  To be honest, I used my circumstance as excuses as to why I couldn’t do this or do that. But, I had to remind myself (and still do) that God has given me all of the talent, skills, and resources to make my dreams a reality.   I have no room for excuses.    All I have to do is walk in faith and fearlessly pursue my destiny.

So, I encourage all of you, my fellow dream makers to have no excuses and continue be in FEARLESS PURSUIT of your destiny.~Brandi

So What if it Doesn’t Work Out?

Inspiration, Let's Talk...Therapy

To all of my go-getters and type A personalities…and anyone who will go over and beyond to see their dreams become a reality. This post is for you.  I don’t know about you, but I have had my share of frustrations like, “Ok, I’m doing my part, but nothing seems to working” or “Why is it taking so long for this to happen” and on and on. You get my drift;-)

The only time I got frustrated like this is when it comes to things that I’m passionate about…the things that keep me moving.  I know that “faith without works is dead” so, I do my best to put my faith in action by working and going hard at what I love to do.  I know that something great is going to happen…but, there have been times  when things would fall through or didn’t work out the way I planned for it to?  That’s when my frustrations would come.  As time has passed and I have grown up a little, I have come the realization that “So what if it doesn’t work out.”

No, I haven’t lost faith.  I wholeheartedly believe that the purpose I was created for is definitely coming to pass.  I got so frustrated because I sitting there saying to myself, “I am putting my faith into action.”   But there’s no result…or so I thought.  But in all actuality, the results were being produced…my faith was (and is) growing. I just want to encourage you to keep working your faith because God sees it and it moves him.  Everything that God has promised is already prepared. But until it we receive the promise, move in faith. Keep working.  So what if things don’t work out when you want it to…what matters it that we don’t stop working our faith out.

Be blessed because you truly are;-)