Momma

Newborn Brandi and Mom

Hello blogosphere!

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you who have been privileged to be mothers! I want to dedicate this post to my mom.

I am beyond blessed to have a mother who has taken pride in raising me. She has never made me feel like I was burden or an inconvenience. She has made so many sacrifices and investments in my life, my sister’s life, and so many other surrogate children lives. My mom waited to except any adminstrative jobs in her career until we were grown so that she could raise us and nurture us. She taught me the importance of honoring God and being a women of integrity. She showed us how to treat people kindly and pray for them even when they were unkind and negative. I have been blessed to be raised by a woman who does not gossip and who is not messy. I am grateful that she continues to shine her light daily in the lives of hundreds of children. I am truly blessed.

As I reflect on my life, I am grateful that my mom taught my sister how to be women with character, grace, and wisdom. I hope that one day I will be able share what she has given me.

She speaks wise words and teaches others to be kind.
Proverbs 31:26 NCV

With love,

Brandi

Dating: High Standards or High Maintenance

Love and Relationship

Dating sucks…sometimes. I have to be honest, dating sucks most of the time for me. It would be great if God could deliver “the one” at my front with a very clear letter stating,

“Dear Brandi, here’s your boo for life. He needs no assembling. No awkward dates or courtship is necessary. He doesn’t come with mind games, baggage, or issues. He communicates perfectly, he integrity, and most importantly, he is wired especially for. Yes, Brandi, he can read your mind and he knows just what to do even before you think it. There’s a lifetime guarantee of pure happiness, joy, and unconditional love. If there is any defect, just contact help@heaven.org and he will be fixed instantly.”

Love,

God

Since love or life does not operate with everything you need showing up at your front door, sometimes I wish that certain things in life were simpler. I know that there is no perfect man however, the process to meeting “the one” is not glamorous. At least for me. Someone told me you have to kiss several frogs before you find your prince. I get the metaphor but it’s still not encouraging and I’m not going to be kissing everything that approaches me especially a frog.

The dating game is changing. I didn’t realize how much since that aspect of my life has not been a top priority. In my late teens and early 20’s, it seemed like guys respected a woman with standards even if they didn’t want to. Now that I’m almost thirty, some men could careless about my standards or any one else’s. Celibacy, opening doors, and not “turning up” is archaic or whack. Some women actually prefer to get to know someone without having to have sex early on. Some of us actually don’t to get drunk or go to clubs all the time. One of the craziest things I have noticed is that some guys view having standards as being high maintenance. Having some level of self-respect seems to be unpopular and a chore for some guys to handle. They want everything easy because a lot beautiful women are giving it away so freely.

I remember one guy, a while back, pretty much suggested that I was “lame” because I don’t go clubbing, get drunk, and choose to be celibate. He asked me what stories would I be able to tell my children. I can tell my children that I chose not to do everything my peers did and avoided a lot shame, heartbreak, and I kept my dignity and self-respect. I pretty much suggested to him that he was a “self-righteous jerk” and a waste of my valuable time and energy. Next.

I really could share so many stories.

From my perspective, high maintenance is someone who requires a lot of emotional, financial, and social support. High maintenance from an emotional aspect is someone who requires frequent validation, uses manipulation to get what they want, and has untreated, severe psychological issues. From a financial side, a high maintenance partner requires a lot financial support for vanity and material wants and not needs. Socially high maintenance partners, uses another partner for social status or influence. They use their partners to be seen and become socially affluent. High maintenance partners are draining.

Having high standards mean that you demand and expect a certain level of respect from a mate or potential mate. That’s all. RESPECT. Respect me, my mind, my body, and by choices.

I do realize that dating with standards weeds out a lot of unsuitable partners. And for that, I’m eternally grateful. But seriously, where’s the quality guys that are gentlemen?

What are your thoughts? Feel to give me feedback.

Brandi

Vision Board: Getting Re-Centered and Refocused

Healthy Living, Inspiration, Love and Relationship

Hey Everyone!
I’m at a place in my life where I am getting re-centered and refocused on my desires and goals for myself. I am taking time to allow myself to be restored and refreshed. I have a tendency to be super hard on myself and I have been guilty of pushing myself to the limit. I think that it is okay to have drive and determination but it is not healthy when you over do it.

So, I’m taking it easy as much as possible and focusing on my life and my purpose. I surround myself with things and images that remind me of my passions, desires, and goals. I believe visualizing where you want to be and what you want to be provides with some direction and inspiration. It has been very helpful in my life. I love writing down the things I desire and having them visual. It has been amazing.

I created a vision board, well more like three about those things that I expect to see manifested in my life. If you’ve never heard of a vision board, I will explain it. It kind of like a picture collage that has pictures of your desires, dreams and goals. It can be elaborate or simple. It’s your vision. You can make it using poster board or electronically like the ones I created. I made my vision boards using my piccollage app. It’s free and easy to use. I downloaded pictures from the internet and create boards for my life.

Here’s one for my personal wellbeing:

Love Relationship:

Career

These are my screen savers. I bought some poster board to create a vision board in my home. I will be cutting pictures from my magazines. My sister with also be doing one. This is great project to do when you feel stuck or are ready for a change. This also great for children and teens. I will do follow up post about my vision board. I encourage you to try it and don’t be fearful of thinking big. It’s yours life;-)

Sending much positivity,
Brandi

Online Dating

Love and Relationship

Okay, so where do I start? Well we’ll start with my dating life. Let’s just say that my dating life has been non-existent, or maybe even on life support. I live in a very rural area and the dating options here are less than desirable. I decided that online dating would be the best route for me to go considering how the dating pool is here in the middle of nowhere. Of course I was a little skeptical and uneasy about it at first, but I decided to try it out anyways. More recently I’ve been opening up to the idea of dating outside of my race. I’ve always been attracted to guys outside of my race but have never dated them. Anywho, I decided to try out this interracial dating site called Afroromance. I found out about it through a general internet search. It’s pretty easy to set up a profile, and it’s free to join. Unlike Eharmony, you are able to view other’s profiles and their picture. The down side is that you have to pay to see who has view your profile, who’s favored you, and to send a message to a person of interest. I personally haven’t had any luck with connecting with anyone since being on this dating site. Mind you, I’ve only had my profile for a little over a month. Most of the guys that flirt with me or message me either aren’t the least bit attractive or they are way past my age bracket. Since I’m sort of new to online dating, I’m not quite sure how long it takes to connect with someone you’re interested in, but I’ll wait it out for a bit more and see what happens. For anyone interested in trying out this dating website, here is the link: www.afroromance.com

Jessica

Jealousy Part 1: Why is She Always Hating?

Inspiration, Love and Relationship

What’s up my beautiful people? I have been doing a lot of thinking about the issues of self-esteem with women. I am all about seeing women being empowered by embracing and loving themselves. I find that the topic of being empowered so necessary when it comes to addressing women’s issues. An issue that is major among us women is jealousy. The street term is better known as hating or hatin’.

One thing that frustrates yet saddens me is when I encounter women who deflects their issues and insecurities onto another woman. I have personally witnessed this problem countless times. And this issue is so apparent in the media especially on reality TV. It is painful to see women find pleasure tearing another woman down. It’s sickening to see all of the drama. This problem goes beyond the television and is present in the our relationships with each other.

So here my attempt at addressing “Why is she always hating?”

First, let me give a few definitions of JEALOUSLY :

The Urban dictionary defines jealousy as:

The feeling of wanting something someone else has.
The feeling of being angry at someone because they are better off then you or they have what you want.
The real or perceived threat of the loss of a valued relationship to a rival.

Here are a few from the Freedictionary.com:

resentful and envious, as of someone’s success, advantages, etc.
proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment

Okay, so let me first say that at some point we all have experienced jealousy. Feeling jealous is a normal human feeling (emotion). However, it is important on how you direct it. I read this quote by Dr. David Matsumoto:

“Emotions color our worlds and give our world meaning. And we wouldn’t be able to know whether we need to attack, or run away, to hold somebody, or to stand afar. Emotions tell us what to do. And emotions give everything in our lives meaning.”

It is important to know why you are feeling that way which I will address later. Jealousy untreated is unhealthy. Untreated jealousy is expressed by gossip, verbal and physical aggression, nasty attitudes, back-stabbing, bullying, murder, and even suicide. I am almost sure that you could add more behaviors to this list. In order to treat or deal with jealously and hatred, we must deal with it at the root. The root begins with you…within your “self”.

So, I mentioned the quote about emotions. Your emotions let you know that something is there or not right. In case of jealousy, it may be an indicator that you’re not happy with where your are in life or you wished you looked better or felt better. You may have lacked validation about how amazing you are. I am concerned when a woman is in a constant state of jealousy or hatred because she is negative, unhappy, and insecure. Some hide behind fabulous clothes and makeup. Some are bullies or mean. Some are quiet and beat themselves up. Some compare themselves to others all the time. No matter how it’s expressed it’s all unhealthy.

My goal is to address ways in which we can began to find healing and acceptance of our imperfections. We as women have so many issues that we have to tackle everyday. Sometimes, past decisions or choices haunt us it is important that we address it and move forward.

So what are your thoughts on jealousy that plagues us at some point?

Be on the look out for the part 2 of this series. I will tackling ways of dealing with chronic jealousy and hate among women.

Until then, stay lovely!
Brandi

Reference:

Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jealousy

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