It’s extremely disappointing to see so many men and woman in toxic, unhealthy relationships. It breaks my heart to see people tie themselves to individuals that they were never intended to be with. Someone once said, “Marriage can be heaven on earth or hell on earth depending on the person you marry.” It’s amazing how being connected to the wrong person can hold you back in life. What sparked this discussion? Well, while distributing documents to other coworkers at work, one of the ladies on the administrative staff caught my attention. I began to wonder how a beautiful, smart, and loving woman such as herself married the man she married. I won’t spill their tea (meaning their business), but let’s just say he doesn’t deserve her. There are several reasons why people settle in relationships. Below I have listed the top five reasons I believe people settle:
Fear- Some people may be afraid that they won’t get what they actually desire, so they begin looking at their reality and lose hope in finding the person they were meant to be with. People may also be afraid of being alone, so they settle for unhealthy relationships.
Desperation- Some people are just desperate. They want companionship so badly that they marry the first person that comes along and shows them any attention.
To appease others- Some people get married based on what others expect of them. Maybe a parent, sibling, or friend is pushing them to marry a person they feel would be ideal for them.
Low self-esteem- Some people stay in relationships because they don’t believe they deserve better. They don’t realize how valuable they are which lead them to stay in unhealthy relationships with people who will handle them in a way that reinforces the way they feel about themselves.
Familiarity- Some people just become complacent in their current relationships. The person they’re with are familiar, and for some, familiar means safe.
Regardless of the reason that a person may settle, settling is never a good thing. In the end you’re only forfeiting what is truly meant for you. I want to encourage everyone not to take marriage and love relationships lightly. Before selecting a mate, be sure that you are healthy and whole yourself so that you can attract a healthy and whole person. When you agree to commit to someone, it should be for all the right reason. Not because you’re desperate or because they’re the only one that’s showing you any attention. They should love all of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly.
I found this meme and added it to my album of memes that brings me encouragement and laughs for days. I like to see and hear things that reminds me that I am making the best decisions for myself. I have made it my mission to not settle for a relationship for the sake of being with someone. I have seen too many beautiful women chose to be with someone who were not deserving of their time. I have heard women accept infidelity, abuse, and down right disrespect as part of their relationship. Why? They desire love and security that healthy relationships give. But stay in a toxic relationship hoping that things will change.
I have made the decision to not let my desire for healthy relationship drive me into desperation to settle. I’ve done it before a few years ago, but I refused to do it again. I want God’s best for me…I sure hope you do too? In my time of waiting, I am just enjoying this journey.
“Don’t act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Don’t be concerned only about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others.”
Philippians 2:3-4 GW
In this ever-changing world, we can get extremely caught up in the affairs of our lives that we fail to show concern to those around us. I felt that this scripture is relevant to our current society. I’ve seen too many people cheating, lying, and backstabbing one another to get ahead in life. What happened to the day when people were more supportive of one another? What happened to the unity found in a community?
In light of the holiday season, there is usually an emphasis placed on giving to those in need. I want to encourage you develop a habit of showing compassion and concern to those that you encounter. It doesn’t have to be big. Share a smile to a stranger…it’s free. Hold the door open someone when you’re out and about. Send a text message, or better yet, make a phone call to a relative or old friend that you haven’t heard from in a long time. The list can go on and on. Be creative in how you show concern , just as long as you do it.