Relationship: Rules and Games Part I

Inspiration, Let's Talk...Therapy, Love and Relationship

What’s up people?  I am absolutely tired of the rules and games when it comes to relationships and love.  There have been so many stipulations and rules of what to do, how to do it, when to do it and why you must do it?  I have read countless books, engaged in forums and discussions, and have studied relationship experts. I could write several books about all of the information I have received.  Sometimes I believe that we get so overwhelmed with information that is good, that we fail to allow relationship to happen naturally.  I believe that we sometimes subconsciously use rules and unfortunately games to protect ourselves from getting hurt or as a prevention from being hurt again. Why can’t relationships be simple yet fulfilling?  I say simple in the fact that both parties open up about their true desires to love, trust, give, share, or whatever that’s needed.  I have thought about this for a while now.  The answer that I have found was that so many of us don’t want to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability is hard place for many of us to go. Vulnerability involves sharing your emotions and who you really are at the risk of being hurt, judged, and possibly rejected.  Even with all of the risk involved there is a chance that vulnerability affords you the opportunity trusting and being trusted, being accepted, sharing your flaws and strengths… vulnerability ultimately gives you the chance of falling in love with someone who knows who you truly are and loves you because of that.

I challenge you to rethink why you use rule and games in relationships or identify if you are using these methods to be safe.  I am not saying to be foolish and put yourself in a position to cause you physically and emotionally harm or abuse.  Take chance at allowing love to come and don’t push it away.  You never know what you’re missing out on!

You deserve to be happy;-)

Brandi

Time for me…Ready for Love

Inspiration, Love and Relationship

 

Okay, so I have a confession.  I have been in denial…or at least partially:-)  I AM READY FOR LOVE (in my India.Arie voice with acoustic guitar playing in the background…lol).  I have been happily single for over half a decade.   I am in my late-twenties and most of the women around my age are either frequently dating, in a seriously relationship, or married. I haven’t purposefully chose to be single this long….well maybe just a little.

Let me explain…I tried to the relationship thing a few times but the guys that I dated weren’t going in the same direction whether it was spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, and so on.  Ultimately, I was dating with the purpose of marriage (courting) but not too many guys that are young adults (18-25)  are looking for that.  Don’t get me wrong…I didn’t approach my relationships trying to plan a wedding or get hitched soon.  I wanted to be with someone who I could grow with and ultimately share my life with.  So, I stopped having the boyfriends and just tried to date with the sole purpose of getting to know someone.  To make the long story short…I experienced some pain, frustrations, hurt and I was tired.  I realized that I didn’t want to spend my fabulous twenties making a lot of poor relationship decisions that I saw a lot of my peers making as well as those I had made before.

So, I had a heart-to-heart with God one day.  At the time I was 21, I told God that I am tired of meeting immature guys and I was done with the casual dating. I honestly don’t like dating multiple people simultaneously.  Going to the movies with Tim one night then going to dinner with Jim the next.  It was exhausting. I prayed that the next man I dated would be the one I spent the rest of my life with…my husband.

After that prayer….my dating life stopped abruptly. Talk about being careful what you pray for…lol.  I have had dates fall through and I’ve had people try to introduce me to men who were not was not compatible. Thank God for Facebook and google…lol…profiles say a lot…including the pictures you take.

Anyway, over the past year I realized that I am ready for love. It was truly a revelation.  I realized that over the past couple of years that I really began to experience being in love with God.  I spent my quiet time focusing on how much he adores me and loves me and how much I desire and love him.  I have experienced him at a level to where I was am content… full of his love and purpose.   During my time off from dating, I took time to get to know myself.  I spent a lot of time  focusing on understanding my likes, dislikes, strengths, weaknesses, what I desire/don’t desire in a mate and so on.  I began to love myself even more flaws and all…unconditional self love.  How can I expect my mate to love me as I am if don’t love me as I am.

So, A few months ago, I realized that I have blocked myself from experiencing romantic love.  It wasn’t because I was trying to be spiritually deep or too focused on my career.  I dream of the day the that I meet my soul-mate…the ONE. However,  deep down inside, I realized that I was denying myself of the romantic love experience mainly due to the limited options of potential suitors. So, I had a  conversation with my Creator and was very specific in my desires.  I expressed the need to share my life with a beautiful man who loves God, who I can be transparent with (true intimacy), and a man I could ultimately grow with and start a family with.

I believe that you have to position yourself receive the things that you desire…if I’m craving pizza I shouldn’t be going to McDonald’s or KFC to satisfy my pizza cravings.  So, when it comes to love or whatever you desire, be available, open, and positioned to get what you desire. If it means stepping out of your comfort zone do that.  So, I have been doing just that…I am making time to be more sociable and interactive.  I have also voiced my desire for love.  It is important that you speak your desires whatever it maybe…instead of saying “I will”….”I will have love” or “I will be successful” I say “I am..”.  “I am loved”, “I am happy”,  “I am creative”….”I am…(add your own words)”.  If you’re bold enough to do this…share your desires with people who you trust because it is great to have support when you’re having a difficult time.  So, I have to ask.  What is it that you desire? Are you open, available, and positioned?  I have one more question…are you ready?  Because, I sure am.

Much love, Brandi:-)