What’s up my beautiful people? I have been doing a lot of thinking about the issues of self-esteem with women. I am all about seeing women being empowered by embracing and loving themselves. I find that the topic of being empowered so necessary when it comes to addressing women’s issues. An issue that is major among us women is jealousy. The street term is better known as hating or hatin’.
One thing that frustrates yet saddens me is when I encounter women who deflects their issues and insecurities onto another woman. I have personally witnessed this problem countless times. And this issue is so apparent in the media especially on reality TV. It is painful to see women find pleasure tearing another woman down. It’s sickening to see all of the drama. This problem goes beyond the television and is present in the our relationships with each other.
So here my attempt at addressing “Why is she always hating?”
First, let me give a few definitions of JEALOUSLY :
The Urban dictionary defines jealousy as:
- The feeling of wanting something someone else has.
- The feeling of being angry at someone because they are better off then you or they have what you want.
- The real or perceived threat of the loss of a valued relationship to a rival.
Here are a few from the Freedictionary.com:
- resentful and envious, as of someone’s success, advantages, etc.
- proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment
Okay, so let me first say that at some point we all have experienced jealousy. Feeling jealous is a normal human feeling (emotion). However, it is important on how you direct it. I read this quote by Dr. David Matsumoto:
“Emotions color our worlds and give our world meaning. And we wouldn’t be able to know whether we need to attack, or run away, to hold somebody, or to stand afar. Emotions tell us what to do. And emotions give everything in our lives meaning.”
It is important to know why you are feeling that way which I will address later. Jealousy untreated is unhealthy. Untreated jealousy is expressed by gossip, verbal and physical aggression, nasty attitudes, back-stabbing, bullying, murder, and even suicide. I am almost sure that you could add more behaviors to this list. In order to treat or deal with jealously and hatred, we must deal with it at the root. The root begins with you…within your “self”.
So, I mentioned the quote about emotions. Your emotions let you know that something is there or not right. In case of jealousy, it may be an indicator that you’re not happy with where your are in life or you wished you looked better or felt better. You may have lacked validation about how amazing you are. I am concerned when a woman is in a constant state of jealousy or hatred because she is negative, unhappy, and insecure. Some hide behind fabulous clothes and makeup. Some are bullies or mean. Some are quiet and beat themselves up. Some compare themselves to others all the time. No matter how it’s expressed it’s all unhealthy.
My goal is to address ways in which we can began to find healing and acceptance of our imperfections. We as women have so many issues that we have to tackle everyday. Sometimes, past decisions or choices haunt us it is important that we address it and move forward.
So what are your thoughts on jealousy that plagues us at some point?
Be on the look out for the part 2 of this series. I will tackling ways of dealing with chronic jealousy and hate among women.
Until then, stay lovely!
Urban Dictionary http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=jealousy
It’s extremely disappointing to see so many men and woman in toxic, unhealthy relationships. It breaks my heart to see people tie themselves to individuals that they were never intended to be with. Someone once said, “Marriage can be heaven on earth or hell on earth depending on the person you marry.” It’s amazing how being connected to the wrong person can hold you back in life. What sparked this discussion? Well, while distributing documents to other coworkers at work, one of the ladies on the administrative staff caught my attention. I began to wonder how a beautiful, smart, and loving woman such as herself married the man she married. I won’t spill their tea (meaning their business), but let’s just say he doesn’t deserve her. There are several reasons why people settle in relationships. Below I have listed the top five reasons I believe people settle:
- Fear- Some people may be afraid that they won’t get what they actually desire, so they begin looking at their reality and lose hope in finding the person they were meant to be with. People may also be afraid of being alone, so they settle for unhealthy relationships.
- Desperation- Some people are just desperate. They want companionship so badly that they marry the first person that comes along and shows them any attention.
- To appease others- Some people get married based on what others expect of them. Maybe a parent, sibling, or friend is pushing them to marry a person they feel would be ideal for them.
- Low self-esteem- Some people stay in relationships because they don’t believe they deserve better. They don’t realize how valuable they are which lead them to stay in unhealthy relationships with people who will handle them in a way that reinforces the way they feel about themselves.
- Familiarity- Some people just become complacent in their current relationships. The person they’re with are familiar, and for some, familiar means safe.
Regardless of the reason that a person may settle, settling is never a good thing. In the end you’re only forfeiting what is truly meant for you. I want to encourage everyone not to take marriage and love relationships lightly. Before selecting a mate, be sure that you are healthy and whole yourself so that you can attract a healthy and whole person. When you agree to commit to someone, it should be for all the right reason. Not because you’re desperate or because they’re the only one that’s showing you any attention. They should love all of you. The good, the bad, and the ugly.