Dating: High Standards or High Maintenance

Love and Relationship

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Dating sucks…sometimes.  I have to be honest, dating sucks most of the time for me.   It would be great if God could  deliver “the one” at my front with a very clear letter stating,

“Dear Brandi,  here’s your boo for life.  He needs no assembling.  No awkward dates or courtship is necessary.  He doesn’t come with mind games, baggage, or issues.  He communicates perfectly, he integrity,  and most importantly, he is wired especially for.  Yes, Brandi, he can read your mind and he knows just what to do even before you think it. There’s a lifetime guarantee of pure happiness, joy, and unconditional love. If there is any defect, just contact help@heaven.org and he will be fixed instantly.”

Love,

God

Since love or life does not operate with everything you need showing up at your front door, sometimes I wish that certain things in life were simpler.  I know that there is no perfect man however, the process to meeting “the one” is not glamorous.  At least for me.  Someone told me you have to kiss several frogs before you find your prince.  I get the metaphor but it’s still not encouraging and I’m not going to be kissing everything that approaches me especially a frog.

The dating game is changing.  I didn’t realize how much since that aspect of my life has not been a top priority.  In my late teens and early 20’s, it seemed like guys respected a woman with standards even if they didn’t want to.  Now that I’m almost thirty, some men could careless about my standards or any one else’s.  Celibacy, opening doors, and not “turning up” is archaic or whack.  Some women actually prefer to get to know someone without having to have sex early on.  Some of us actually don’t to get drunk or go to clubs all the time. One of the craziest things I have noticed is that some guys view having standards as being high maintenance.   Having some level of self-respect seems to be unpopular and a chore for some guys to handle.  They want everything easy because a lot beautiful women are giving it away so freely.

I remember one guy, a while back, pretty much suggested that I was “lame” because I don’t go clubbing, get drunk, and choose to be celibate.  He asked me what stories would I be able to tell my children.  I can tell my children that I chose not to do everything my peers did and avoided a lot shame, heartbreak, and I kept my dignity and self-respect.  I pretty much suggested to him that he was a “self-righteous jerk” and a waste of my valuable time and energy. Next.

I really could share so many stories.

From my perspective, high maintenance is someone who requires a lot of emotional, financial, and social support.  High maintenance from an emotional aspect is someone who requires frequent validation, uses manipulation to get what they want, and has untreated, severe psychological issues.  From a financial side, a high maintenance partner requires a lot financial support for vanity and material wants and not needs.  Socially high maintenance partners, uses another partner for social status or influence.  They use their partners to be seen and become socially affluent.  High maintenance partners are draining.

Having high standards mean that you demand and expect a certain level of respect from a mate or potential mate.  That’s all.  RESPECT.  Respect me, my mind, my body, and by choices.

I do realize that dating with standards weeds out a lot of unsuitable partners. And for that, I’m eternally grateful.  But seriously, where’s the quality guys that are gentlemen?

What are your thoughts?  Feel to give me feedback.

Brandi

Content and Single

Love and Relationship

Ok, so maybe you’re thinking…”Here we go again. Another single black sista blogging her woes about being single with no man….” or maybe you could care less.  Either way it goes, it’s my experience and I’m willing to share.  This post is not about being lonely and needing a man…actually I am comfortably single and loving it.  This post is also not about the shortage of good Black men…just keeping it 100 there’s a shortage of good people in general.

Anyway, I do have the desire to be in a great relationship with a really good man.  And at times, the desire is stronger than others.   Sometimes when I see a lot of women around my age  post  pictures of their recent engagements and weddings on Facebook or when I see their relationship status change from ‘single’ to ‘in a relationship’, ‘engaged’, or ‘married’, I do share in their excitement.  I am happy for them and I wonder when will I be able to change my relationship status or share the happiness I have found in a great relationship.  I know there are other women who understand me.

At times, I have questioned what am I doing wrong or what do I need to improve in.

However, I am truly learning how to be content in my singleness.  In my contentment, I have learned that lasting love takes time and settling is unacceptable.

I saw this meme that reflects where I am.

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For all of hearts that desire love, patiently wait for the best.

Content,
Brandi